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Silver_Eyed
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Name: Paige
Country: United States
State: Ohio
Metro: Westerville
Birthday: 3/9/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: They keep changing from time to time, but I've always been inseparable from books and good company.
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
AIM:  Cailet009
Member Since:
10/24/2005
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| I picture my body as this machine that runs on Windows...it breaks down so much and I'm willing to accept that as being traditional. Yesterday I was finally hit by the sickness I've been waiting a week for. I scared my friend and despite the fact that I was in a lot of pain, I was bothered that he was around to witness this weakness of mine. I know I must have looked pretty pathetic. My control issues rear their ugly heads again as I fight with myself to let a bit of compassion in. However, I can't complain knowing people give a shit about me.
I want to pose a topic that's been on my mind recently. Our society widely rejects the concept of an "open relationship" as being against the traditional one man:one woman involvement. What a man and woman decide to do on an individual basis is, of course, their own business, but how many others would be okay in involving themselves with someone who is already in a relationship. People might make the argument that if you love the person you are with that should be enough to not want anyone else. What if it's not a matter of unhappiness but variety? You have friends to define and satisfy other social needs that a "partner" cannot or should not provide...that's just a relationship of another sort. So where exactly is the line drawn? Sex presumably pushes a relationship into an intimate territory that should not be fulfilled by a non-partner...now I'm just confusing myself more as I type. If this is not clear enough, I don't know where I stand on this topic. My mind rebels against accepting something so liberal but I can't help but logically consider that my hesitation stems from societal expectations. | | |
| I went on a date Saturday evening. I have to admit that I really had a great time. Worrying about any responses has always been a big drawback of being involved with me. Sometimes I curb my honesty to give what seems to me a more 'time and situational appropriate' response. I certainly worried, of course. I don't believe I could ever get to a pont in my life where I will not have to worry about the words coming out of my mouth, but I know I've always been able to make friends so there must be some attraction that I can't sense.
I look back and am kicking myself over making a big woo-hoo over what I usually make a big woo-hoo over. Money. It really bothered me that someone I've never really spent any time with wanted to buy me dinner. What did they want expect from me?
Work...more later perhaps. | | |
| Past couple of days I've felt lethargic and unproductive. Every day is a wasted one, and all the meaningful activities that used to fill up my days meager in benefit. Mayhaps I'll run uphill until my legs are too tired to carry me any further. The incline will roughly hurl me back to the bottom, where I'll lay for some prolonged period of uselessness and then get up and attempt it all again.
It's truly a shame to feel so guilty. I can't put my finger on exactly where I failed this time. | | |
| How do you help someone else at the risk of your own sanity? When your mind and body are too tired to even muster up the energy to confront your own turmoil how do you navigate someone else's?
I'm sorry I didn't feel equipped to help any. I don't have any better excuses. | | |
| A talk with my ex boyfriend (Quinton) today pleasantly reveals that we
can still communicate with one another and that I was not delusional
when I said I saw him driving down Mayfield. He saw me, too!
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